Two things that people have said in front of me that maybe aren’t related, maybe are related, but that either way I’ve been thinking about together lately.
1) “I don’t know what it is that’s made it so hard for black people in this country to assimilate.”
and
2) This one won’t be quoted exactly, but the sentiment was that when Michelle Obama said “for the first time in my adult life I am proud of my country….” it was the worst thing a first lady could say (even though she wasn’t first lady yet when she said it) and that it was an embarrassment to have that feeling.
So. To the first thought all I could think was, “um…. slavery?”
And in the way that I think these two are related, to the second I was reminded of Neal Brennan’s 3 Mics standup, where he says, “Slavery is such a big deal. It’s such a big deal. If I were black, I would talk about it constantly… if a cop stops me and he’s like you know why I pulled you over? I’d be like, ‘to apologize for slavery?'”
Here’s why I think it’s so hard for white people. And I should point out (probably unnecessarily, but still) that both of those thoughts came from white republicans. But I think the reason it’s so difficult for white people (Yes, I’m white) to wrap our minds around the true extent of racism and prejudice experienced by black people today is that when we are taught about slavery and the civil war and Jim Crow and Martin Luther King, Jr it’s all lumped together in a nice little package of history. It’s something that happened in the past, a story arc that goes from really shitty people in the past having really shitty ideas about people, but then in a very linear path good sense and reason emerged and we overcame such nonsense.
And now it’s all over.
Like slavery and prejudice was a small piece of insanity akin to the Salem witch trials.
Hence white people thinking “that’s ridiculous, that’s in the past. The past was so stupid. We’re so much smarter now.”
Which leads me to the second thought specifically and back to Neal Brennan. Neal opens with “I hang out with a lot of black dudes.” And that changes everything. When I was younger I was lucky to have been the only white guy in rooms of black people, families of black people. I’ve also been the only white guy in Asian families. If you are the only white person, and if you are self aware enough to shut the fuck up and let yourself be forgotten, the people in the room will eventually let you see their reality. I can remember time after time my friend’s cousin saying something about white people and then remembering I was there and saying, “no offense.”
And if you’ve ever had the experience that Neal and I have had you know that being black in America means slavery is not a dead period in a history book. Jim Crow didn’t happen to the nameless dead from the past, it happened to fathers and grandfathers – and sometimes you yourself.
Imagine being punched in the face by your doctor and being told to stop living in the past and go to your checkup for your own good.
The punch didn’t happen to people from four hundred years ago, it happened to you. You warn your children to not go to the doctor because he’ll punch you in the face and tell you it’s for your health.
White people don’t understand that it’s not history. It’s life. I mean, look at how fucking enraged white people became at the idea of “Black lives matter.” If you instinctively fight the idea that black people are concerned for their safety and feel like their lives should be valued, then you have never had to worry for your own safety, have never had to give your children special instructions to make sure they walk back in the door safely.
We as white people grow up with Black History Month and see it as history. A small, 1/12th of importance history.
But there are people driving around with Confederate flags on their cars. Those flags represent a side of the Civil War that fought and killed for the right to continue slavery. If black people had a symbol that represented the belief that white lives didn’t matter the whites in this country would lose their fucking minds.
And that leads me to a third thing I heard from a white republican recently. This guy said he heard a white guy say, “fucking white people.” He thought that was ridiculous and the guy should just kill himself if he felt that way.
Well, if you’ve ever been let into the world of black people like Neal Brennan, you completely understand the Michelle Obama sentiment. And if you understand that as a white person, then you can also have felt deep in your being the sentiment “FUCKING WHITE PEOPLE.”
Sex And Depression 